Emotions are an integral part of our lives and our very being. We cannot avoid them, but we can control and moderate them. Let's dive into some psychological know-how to help you manage your emotions.
Basic emotion-related behaviors are inborn, but emotions are self-induced. While it is true that external factors heavily influence them, how we perceive things and think of things is what causes them. And the emotion this is the most true for? That's right, it's anger.
We heavily self-induce anger. Our thoughts, which are influenced by our perception of events, fuel it the most. This implies that we can control anger only by our thoughts. Of course, this means it takes work to manage. But it's certainly feasible.
However, this doesn't just apply to anger. Like anger is self-induced, other emotions can be self-induced too. While not easy, it is indeed possible. Initially, changing your mindset is important as it will be the biggest obstacle in regulating your emotions.
How do we control our emotions then?
We all possess emotional intelligence, which is the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. We need to be aware of it and learn to use it. Understanding the origin of emotions and our ability to control them is the first step toward managing them. Ultimately, the management depends on us. As quoted by Aristotle, “Happiness depends upon ourselves”. This applies to all emotions.
Two well-known psychological strategies for emotion control include reappraisal(i.e., reinterpreting emotional stimulus to reduce its negative meaning) and distraction(i.e., disengaging from emotional stimulus and thinking about something emotionally neutral). We can use these interchangeably based on the situation.
A study conducted by Sheppes et al. revealed that reappraisal - which allows for emotional processing and adaptation - was employed in low-intensity situations. In contrast, distraction was preferred in high-intensity situations, which enables the blocking of emotional information.
The ability to flexibly switch between different emotional control strategies allows us to have more optimal control over our emotions in unfamiliar and rapidly changing environments. This ability will not only help us manage our emotions better but also generate new personalized emotion control strategies when the ongoing strategy does not meet personal or contextual demands.
Ideally, to achieve your desired emotional balance, it is crucial to be aware of your own emotions and feelings, conduct occasional self-monitoring, and participate in self-modeling. Remember that a positive mindset helps much more than a “realistic” one masking a negative outlook on life would.
Here 5 tips to help you manage your emotions:
1. Recognize the power of your thoughts: Every time you think of something, it impacts the way you feel about it.
For example, if you read a news article about a girl getting saved from a fire and think “Thank goodness! No one got hurt.” You’ll feel a sense of relief. However if after reading the same article you think “Ugh. A fire? Can’t they report something positive once in a while?” Naturally, you will end up feeling annoyed and get a bad mood.
2. Realise that you alone can control them: You are the only one with the power to manage your emotions. No one else can manage them for you; realizing that is important.
3. Do not engage in ‘self-talk that burns’: Do not magnify negative feelings. Instead, work on resolving them. Fueling your negative emotions will only make things worse.
4. Have a more positive mindset: Try to interpret the events around you more positively and find positive meaning in dire circumstances.
5. Be patient: Give yourself time to change and improve. Everything takes time. It is important to be patient with yourself.
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